I think our third season of Homework has been the best yet. So far this year, our Night Of Literary Miscellany at Bethnal Green Workingmen’s Club has seen the launch for John Osborne’s Newsagents Window, a surprise performance from Kevin Eldon, the debut of Luke Wright’s Cynical Ballads, and an amazing performance from folk legend John Smith.
Tomorrow night we’re back again with another amazing line-up: Joel Stickley reads from his blog How To Write Badly Well, Joe Dunthorne reads an exclusive extract from his new novel, and guest Kate Tempest drops it with the newly-signed Sound of Rum.
NEXT MONTH HOWEVER, we’re doing something very different, and we’re looking for help from as many writers as possible to make it happen.
On the 29th September, Homework is hosting a special event entitled THE LAST BARMAN POET: an evening of writing inspired by the rubbish poem that Tom Cruise reads in the 1988 motion picture, Cocktail.
We are looking for as many writers as possible to contribute homages, covers and remixes of the Cruise poem for this event. These can be recorded for YouTube and played at the event, or performed live at the event by the writer themselves (or by proxy by another performer if the writer wishes- we can sort this out).
The event was originally inspired by the Aristocrats joke: a (pretty unfunny) joke that US comedians use to show off their stagecraft. The joke itself is a test pattern; it’s down to the comic telling the joke to add their own brand of flair, and hopefully make it funny.
We wondered—is it possible to create an Aristocrats for poets? A poem so bad that the writer would have to use all their ingenuity and talent to make it worthwhile? We don’t know the answer yet, but we’re hoping to find out on the 29th.
Here our a few suggestions for things we’re looking for:
• The original poem, reproduced verbatim, but presented in an interesting way, either through video montage, overdubbing, or the poet reading the poem in an interesting place.
• A poem (even loosely) inspired by the original. We’re not just looking for performance poems. We are looking for examples from right across the spectrum of poetry. We’re also keen to have some formal pieces too: a Last Barman Sonnet would be amazing.
• A poem that contains the same structure as the original, but replaces the subject of the poem with another. Ie. ‘The Last Microbiologist Poet’.
Of course, this is by no means an exhausted list, but we hope it gets you started. We’ll condense all the material into an hour and curate the final event, weaving the whole thing together and discussing our findings.
If you’re interested, drop me an email with your idea and I’ll send back a gushing email about how many drinks I’m going to buy you the next time I see you.
I am the world’s last barman poet.
I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make.
Americans getting stinking on something I stir or shake.
The Sex on the Beach,
The Schnapps made from peach,
The Velvet Hammer,
The Alabama Slammer.
I make things with juice and froth.
The Pink Squirrel,
The 3-Toed Sloth.
I make drinks so sweat and snazzy.
The Iced Tea,
The Kamikaze,
The Orgasm,
The Death Spasm,
The Singapore Sling,
The Ding-a-ling.
America you’re just devoted to every flavor I got.
But if you want to get loaded,
Why don’t you just order a shot?
As the work comes in, I’ll upload it to the Aisle16 website and the Homework Myspace page so you can keep track of the project.
Submissions, more information, etc, contact me at RossGSutherland@Yahoo.com